Reflections on Moscow

I have expressed my frustration many times during this past week over the way business is done in Russia, and also the general unfriendliness of people. While it is maddeningly frustrating at times, in a strange way, it also felt familiar. I don't want to overplay the "Eastern European" card, but there were a lot of things that felt like Hungary.  And, while at times I found the people rude and unfriendly, I also remembered the way I viewed Americans, before I moved to the US, and could see the locals' behavior from that perspective and it made perfect sense.
For example -- a lot of people consider Americans superficial, and phonily friendly.  "why smile when you are not happy", why pretend that you care about someone when you actually don't -- are common questions.  So, when I was taken aback that Olga, my coordinator didn't crack a smile, or say one encouraging thing throughout our interactions -- well, she doesn't care about me, this is a business for her -- so, why pretend?  That's the Eastern European perspective.  I tend to think -- fine, you don't care, but it's just more pleasant if you smile, it's more pleasant if you say something nice -- so why not do it?  Anyway it's just a cultural difference, and it helped (sometimes!) to remember that perspective.
Also, I was dumbfounded by the complete lack of direction given to us by the local adoption team  -- only told us the next step,sometimes not even that.  Case on point:  when we went to the orphanage on Friday, we were by ourselves -- we had a designated time. When we got there, the orphanage director was smoking outside (yes, she is an MD -- but smoking is a whole different story).  She acknowledged our presence (remember, no unnecessary smiling), and motioned us inside.  We went to the waiting area where we were the day before, and waited for them to bring up Peri (again, the way they did it the day before).  We were waiting, and waiting, and waiting .... finally, I decided to go  and investigate.  After ducking my head in various rooms that I probably wasn't supposed to be in, I finally found the director - who told me that I was supposed to go into the nursery (which I didn't know where it was) and tell the caretakers that I wanted to see my daughter (in what language I was supposed to have that conversation was unclear).  I could tell that the director kind of looked at me like I was an idiot.   I was pretty frustrated b/c we just lost half an hour to spend with her of this little culture clash.  In my mind, well if you want me to do something differently, you should tell me, b/c I don't want to disrupt the kids schedules etc.  But then I remembered how I used to think Americans needed their hands held, and why couldn't they take any independent actions?  I remember cracking up in college in my class on research -- where under tools of research, the list started: "pen, paper" -- I was like, DUH, what are they, stupid?  So....  it's just a cultural difference.
Another point -- as soon as you get to Russia (or anywhere in Europe for that matter) -- everyone is much more quiet in public places -- no loud talking, no screaming kids running around ....  You could literally just find the loudest gate area at Moscow airport and know that those were the US bound flights.  Europeans think Americans are loud and obnoxious -- obviously, it's not meant that way, and isn't considered that here.  So, when I think that Russians are rude b/c they don't smile at me, or don't make small talk, or when they don't bother with niceties -- well, it's probably not meant that way, is just a cultural difference.  It helps to remind yourself of that.
Finally, there is no escaping the fact that Russians, and certainly Muscovites have a tough life -- it's  huge tough city,  overcrowded -- people spend hours on buses, on subways, sitting in traffic and walking to commute to work.  The weather is certainly harsh during a large part of the year.  The city is expensive -- ranging from a little more expensive than the US, to outrageously more expensive than the US -- and I am fairly certain that people on average make less than in the US....  And then we haven't even addressed the tumultous recent history these people lived through.  So it's a tough life.  Less energies left for sitting around and being nicey nice.  Resources are very limited -- you fight for what you need.
Is going to Moscow a culture shock -- you betcha.  But it helps to keep things in perspective and just remind yourself -- different doesn't necessarily mean worse.