Next week it'll be 4 months that I returned from Moscow. 10 weeks from the time I submitted my "Phase II" documents. And 3 weeks since I submitted the additional documents they have requested. Needless to say, my patience has been running out.
Then, last week, in response to an inquiry from my adoption agency, they reminded me that some of my documents submitted in May, have no expired and need to be redone. These include the State Police clearance, and FBI fingerprint search and a psychiatric evaluation.
Really? Another criminal background check?? B/c I would pick this 2 months waiting for a court date to go on a crime spree? -- I sort of get the psych evaluation. I am starting to develop an anger management problem.
So, I attacked the situation with zeal -- they want two original letters from the FBI with the results of the fingerprint search. So, the FBI -- instead of printing the same letter twice -- is charging me twice for the search, and requests two sets of fingerprints -- $100 right there.
As for the State Police check .... 4-6 weeks by mail, or 10 minutes in person in Jefferson City. -- You guys may have seen a request on FB from me ... and one of my classmates from Law School (with whom I had no contact since we graduated) -- was kind enough to volunteer, and stop in Jeff City on his way to the Lake and take care of this for me.
And, many thanks to a psychiatrist friend, who wrote the evaluation quickly and for free .....
So, in all likelihood, I'll have this stuff updated in a timely fashion.
What pushed me over the edge, was the comment made by agency contact who reminded me that my medical letter, and blood test results will expire in October, so "when we get to September, and you still don't have a court date, you'll have to get started on redoing those".
And that's when I thought that enough was enough -- this constant updating can literally go on forever....each week new documents expire, have to be redone -- $20 here, $50 there ....time, effort, countless favors from friends (and strangers) ...with literally no end in sight, and no transparency or understanding of the process. At what point do I need to realize that this may not work, and cut my losses? Or do I go on month after month, year after year (?), spending time, energy, $$? I feel like for my own sanity, I need some end in sight. If this isn't going to happen, I should just accept it, and try to move on.
Of course, that's a horrible prospect -- I have been through a lot, committed a lot of resources to this process, and feel a sense of responsibility to this little girl, who is now "on hold", and can't be adopted by another family. As much as I tried to guard against it, I have started to envision a life raising her, and friends and family have been anticipating her arrival.
It just makes me angry to think that she is sitting in that orphanage -- week after week, not getting the attention, nutrition, care and love that she needs and she deserves... when she has a home waiting for her.
So, I had myself a little hissy fit this week, and just embraced my anger and frustration -- irrational as it may be. Ranted and raved to friends who would listen, cried .... the usual.
Then, had a chat with my adoption agency. The social worker I have been working with for over 2 years now has never been much of a hand holder. I think she is pretty competent, but is not much for "wasting time" giving assurances etc. So I very much appreciated her perspective when she said that from where she is sitting and in her experience -- this adoption will go through -- it's not a question of if, but just when. She told me that families that do their first trip in the spring like I did, can either get lucky, and get their paperwork through before the summer vacation season starts in Russia, or can get screwed, and don't get a court date until the Fall, when the vacation season ends. The latter group usually ends up having expired documents, etc. She encouraged me very strongly to let go of a timeline, and to keep the big picture in mind -- a lifetime of being with my child, the fact that she is healthy (which is a HUGE deal for E. European and especially Russian kids) --.....
Easier said than done, but it was the pep talk that I needed. So we wait some more.
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