Going to Russia

Well, the shady sounding Russian deal came through -- and now I have my passport back with a shiny Russian visa stamp in it.  So I guess I am going to Moscow in two days.

I have some pretty complex feelings about going to Moscow.  I grew up in the shadow of the Soviet Union -- watched parades on Red Square, on the day of Brezhnev's funeral, classes in my school were cancelled and we watched the funeral all day.  We read story after story about the glorious Soviet Union, Lenin, and the fabulous life workers had in that country.  Pictures of Red Square, Lenin's tomb were everywhere --  I can still remember a lot of the songs we learned -- all upbeat cheery songs about revolution, class warfare etc. etc.  (one in particular, about the tall pine trees in front of the Kremlin standing guard over Lenin's tomb has been stuck in my head the last couple of days).

At the same time, from less official sources .... the stories were quite different.  My parents and grandparents told stories of the Soviet army pillaging through Budapest after they "liberated" the city - of how my grandfather was lined up to be taken to a worker camp somewhere in Siberia ....but he could escape (something about his wristwatch and a young Russian soldier guarding them) -- , stolen elections, the Moscow backed regime being responsible for thousands of people disappearing, my grandparents losing most of their property, my mother being penalized for her father being a physician (as opposed to a "worker"), my father's family bearing the "stigma" of being "landowners" .....

Stories about breadlines in Russia, KGB, prisons, people disappearing....

and then of course the 1956 Revolution in Hungary -- brutally put down by the Soviet Union - reprisals, disappearances, fear -- and of course my uncle being shot and killed by the Soviets.  Let's just say that my family didn't have a whole lot of affection for the Soviet Union, or anything Russian.

By the time I was old enough to have an opinion -- the iron grasp of Communism loosened on Hungary. There was the "official"  policy, celebrations ... and then there were the jokes and stories poking fun at the great Soviet Union, the Soviet troops temporarily stationed in Hungary for 40 years, and all things associated with Communism.  One little joke people told a lot --combining two popular communist slogans:  "Capitalism is at the brink of collapsing.  Communism is always one step ahead of Capitalism".

I took Russian in school for 10 years -- without ever speaking to a real Russian, reading a paper, or seeing a movie in Russian.  It was all strictly classroom based, and officially controlled.

And yet another facet is my knowledge and love for Russian art and literature -- my favorite composer -- Tschaikovksy,  love Russian playwrights, authors, poets -- my all time favorite author is Dostoevsky, my all time favorite novels -- Crime and Punishment and Master and Margarita (by Bulgakov) -- so I think of  the wonderful magical history and culture of Russia and the Russian people, and I am beyond excited to be going there in person and seeing it al for myself.

So, complex feelings -- I would imagine a whole new dimension will be added to it on this trip... and on the trips that follow.